One of the things I have always struggled with is living in the present.

I’m always either dwelling on the past or looking forward, onto the next new thing. Both, I sort of blame on my reflective nature – I’m an avid paper journaller (well, I haven’t been writing as much lately, offline and on, but that’s a subject for another day) and spend quite a bit of time thinking about the impact past decisions have made on my life, as well as how I would like to live somewhere down the line.

I don’t know what it is. It’s not that I’m unhappy, because I can honestly say that I’m fine. But maybe I’m not as “present” as I could be.

I think it’s a spot that lots of people find themselves in…How many of us find ourselves tied up with work today that in six months will be insignificant? Or concerned about how people view you. Or fixated on the messy house. Or how someone’s tone of voice in what they said – that note that told you they meant something completely different than what they said?

I read too much into things, most of the time. I get that. But I feel, sometimes, that I’m so fixated by static that I’m missing the big picture. I get home at night and am exhausted –

Originally written 3/15/13, published in March 2016.

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